The seizure

It's been so long since I've taken the time to write anything down. I kept putting it off because so much has happened and it all seemed too overwhelming to write. Then more happened and before I knew it it'd been months and I hardly remember everything I was going to write about in the first place.

Kevin and I are in our last quarter of school before we graduate! I'll graduate with a BA in Psychology and a minor in Family and Consumer Science. Kevin will have a BA in Japanese Language and a BA in Asian Studies. We'll move back home the day after we graduate. I'm taking a bunch of fun fitness classes this quarter: yoga, swim conditioning, tennis, weight lifting, self defense, and ballroom dance. Most of them are once or twice a week and no homework so my schedule is not too crazy. It does mean I can't miss a lot of days which is proving challenging. Ellie and I are needing doctor's appointments and juggling everything is a little intense. Actually no it's do-able it's just intense having multiple medical concerns.

We had an frightening weekend. We had friends over for dinner and board games, which was fun and then we had the paramedics come to our house a little later and that was really really not fun. Ellie has had quite a few problems since birth. She's been different from Alex and has been more colicky, had trouble sleeping, has had pretty constant rashes or eczema and things just kept being added to the list. She's 8 months old and the only solids she has are bananas. With a variety of other solids we've tried she ends up projectile vomiting a couple of hours later. I don't know how much of the banana she actually eats, it's mostly just gumming.

The good news is that for the most part she is happy, healthy, and meeting milestones. She weighs 20 lbs, is standing up with the help of anything around her, and finally cutting her first tooth. With all of her other "symptoms" the pediatricians said that these were not of concern and I think individually they may not be. Together I think they point to an underlying problem. Anyway back to the paramedics. I was hesitant to write any of this out. I'm not sure why, it just is personal and frightening and I don't like to draw attention to the drama and stress. I know some people are aware though and are wondering what happened so here it is. Ellie wasn't sleeping, as usual, but when she started crying she sounded like something was stuck in her nose or throat. She was suddenly wheezy and very congested and gaggy. Kevin picked her up to look at her and her face was just vacant. Her head and body were limp, she was breathing but her coloring was off and her eyes... I'm not sure how to describe her eyes. She just looked disoriented and absent. Then she went sort of rigid and started spasming. She had a short seizure and we called 911. It didn't last long but it took about a minute before she seemed aware. She was crying hard and differently than normal. It was just a different sounding cry. The paramedics came and checked her out and they sent us to the ER. They followed us there.

The ER was a few hours of torture trying to get enough blood to run tests. My babies are "fluffy" and hard to get blood from since the veins are deep. They eventually had to just get the blood from her foot, and even that took awhile to get enough blood. She didn't have a fever or bacterial infection but her white blood cell count was at 20,000 which is high. They thought she had something viral going on. I'm not so sure. I'll go in on Thursday for a follow-up appointment and I'm hoping we can get either a skin prick test for allergies or a referral to a gastroenterologist. I don't have a whole lot of answers right now.

It's been about a month since I wrote that, and here's the update. The Dr. was never really sure but they decided to call it a breath holding seizure. She was also prescribe Zantac for reflux. We tried the Zantac for awhile and it wasn't really making a difference. We were frustrated that they put her on a prescription before testing her for anything but apparently with reflux that's how they rule it out before sending you to a specialist. Kevin and I talked about it and I remembered what some other moms have done so we decided to try Probiotics. Ellie's eczema cleared up, she's sleeping better, holding solids down and eating more. She loves eating now but only if she can do it herself. If we come at her with a spoon she closes her mouth and won't budge. She's happier and we've pretty much seen an improvement in every way. She's standing on her own now too and getting ready to start walking. Alex walked at ten months and I think Ellie will too.

Lastly, we had family pictures taken. Here are some of my favorites.

Also, I'm pregnant again. Yay baby number 3!

Oh motherhood.

So I have been judgmental and Alex in all his wisdom knew that I needed some humbling. When Kevin and I first thought about starting a family we would talk about all the ways we would raise our imaginary children and how our imaginary family would be so wonderful or certainly not like... whatever train-wreck family scenario may have recently unfolded before our eyes. We would plot and plan our parenting prowess based on no actual experience at all but because we had the audacity to think parenting was straightforward and logical. Turns out there is more than one way to skin a cat and more than one way to parent a child.

I have no idea what's going on in others' lives and there certainly is no universal mom code or manual. I've never, intentionally, mom-shamed out loud but I totally have in my head. This week though it was my turn to be a spectacle. I have been a mess, my kids have been a mess and the TV has reigned supreme. Alexander's face has been perpetually and simultaneously snotty, dripping and crusty and laundry has completely taken over my home.

I've been sicker than sick this week. The kids were miserable, I was miserable and Kevin was earning his greys. Alex has been needy and whiny. Smiles are so rare I almost started to doubt they exist. He is eager to throw things, slam things, and when that's not enough collapse on the floor in violent, angry tears. I'll come back to him though... I still need a break.

Ellie hasn't been very sick, thankfully. She has had problems sleeping. This little girl would stay awake all day just so she could smile at the world. Also, it is really hard to sleep in a home with a rampaging toddler. She lights up my life and absolutely adores her brother. He can make her giggle and she's always trying to reach out to him. Elliott is in 12 month clothes and some of those I can't even button up under her three chins. She is the most adorable chubby bubbly baby. We're so lucky she's in our lives.

Ok, my sweet baby boy. I looked at my firstborn the other night and realized he's not a baby any more. He's favoring his father, rough and tumble, and independent as can be. He's curious, obstinate, sweet, and determined. It's bittersweet to watch him grow because he's getting so big so fast and I just want to hold my itty bitty baby real close and tight a few more times. He is currently asleep and the hallway is littered with all of his toys, the dresser, the lamp, and some boxes that were on his floor. He is gated in and there is NOTHING interesting left in the room to play with, it is literally an empty room with a bed in it, but he still managed to spend a good 1/2 hour entertained with the wall vent. He naps fine, well, except for today, but bedtime is totally random. Sometimes its fine and then sometimes it's a couple hours of "I won't stay in bed for anything and I'm never going to sleep neener neener".

Tonight when he took all of Ellie's folded baby clothes from her drawer in the dresser and left them pell-mell throughout his room, I lost it. I HATE doing laundry and it had taken forever to get her things put away nicely the first time. I was tired of saying "lay-down" or "go to bed" with no results no matter how I said it. So I announced he was getting a spanking. Kevin came in, realizing I was really mad and asked if I was sure because I've been insistent about not spanking except for very specific circumstances. I laid him over my lap, unsnapped his diaper and spanked him! Then Kevin burst into laughter and walked away. I was afraid I would hurt Alex and I knew I was mad so I didn't want to hit him hard but I have zero experience with this and no idea how to gauge. It was more of a polite pat than anything else and totally worthless as discipline. I'll leave that up to Kevin if and when he sees fit.

Anyway, I don't want to yell, and I don't want to spank so I'm going to need creativity. Most of all what I need is patience and consistency... the two things I am the absolute worst at! The theme of my entire life is going to be learning patience. Eventually I might have it down.

Having a two year old is like doing battle with a totally illogical and unpredictable combatant. He's not necessarily unpredictable but each new phase we encounter is new to him and we're never quite sure how he's going to react.

The great news is that I'm finally feeling better, can breathe out my nose and am starting to have energy again! I'll try to put up pics tomorrow and the details of our awesome amazing oh-so-good date.

Here is a picture we took over Christmas break.

It's a little blurry, but I love this picture! Alexander loves to "play" the piano and Jorah was showing him some skills. 

Big News and Good News!

Today was the day! Kevin FINALLY received his AFSC code 64P which means he will be a contracting officer. We were both a little surprised...stunned...and at a loss for words. Everyone had been so sure he would be getting maintenance, which was his number 1 choice. If not that then definitely intelligence which was his number 2 choice but certainly not his number 4 choice. It's not that he didn't want this field, but that his language and prior experience logically made the first choices in career easy. 

I think it'll be great and believe everything happens for a reason. Still not entirely sure what he'll be doing other than he'll be working with or on contracts or contracting organizations or suppliers to get things for acquisitions...or something like that. So, yeah I really know pretty much nothing about it. Most bases do have contracting officers so we're not limited in where we can go, and his training will be two weeks so we'll be going to our duty station immediately (as of his EAD). From there he will TDY for training. Apparently he'll have the opportunity to go TDY a lot. We'll put in our list of base preferences tomorrow. Here's our top 5 CONUS (contiguous United States)

1. Mt. Home, ID
2. Hill, UT
3. McGuire, NJ
4. Wright Patterson, OH
5. Tinker, OK

Our top 5 OCONUS (outside contiguous United States)

1. Kadena, Okinawa JP
2. Hickam, Honalulu, HI
3. Anderson, Guam
4. Yokota, Tokyo JP
5. Mildenhal, England 

If possible they will choose from these to place us, but realistically we could be placed anywhere. We should know where we'll be moving by the end of December or beginning of January so we'll count on, maybe, knowing by the time we graduate. We still won't know "when" even when we learn where. 

In other good news this is an email I got from my professor. I couldn't help but share because I was so excited. Thanks to all those that helped edit, finalize, and upload my paper. 

Hey Megan,
I just graded your paper and was thoroughly impressed- I was wondering if you do might actually want to do this as a 495 study?? I would LOVE to work with you on
this.  email me if you 
are interested in doing an easier version of this as an independent 
study project.  I think you should!  my main area of research is imagination inflation/false memories so this is totally up my alley. let me know. -dr. p

I don't think I'll be able to because of graduation requirements and deadlines but I was still excited. I love Psychology and especially the research and study parts of it. 

Kevin was really excited about learning his career code so we decided to go out to dinner to celebrate. It was delicious food and a horrible experience. We went to Pasta Co, because they have a lot of GF options. As soon as we got there Ellie melted down and wouldn't nurse. Then Alex started throwing things. We'd ordered and were waiting for our food, trying to calm and pacify the children and getting looks from all the other patrons... turns out they were looks of pity as several people tried to entertain Alex. It's a small restaurant and pretty nice so it was a massive mistake taking the kids there especially when we knew they hadn't been feeling well. Seriously, this was a major lapse in common sense and we paid dearly for it. I told Kevin I was done and we needed to leave, before the food even arrived, and a little too loudly I might add. I couldn't hear myself over Ellie crying in my ear. We got the food, boxed it up and retreated to our home where Ellie cried for two more hours. She was in pain, for sure, and it was miserable trying to soothe her with nothing working. A shout out to Chantal though for recommedning Aquaphor for her eczema! It's helped so much. I need to go to bed so I can get up at 5:00 again and get a workout in. I'm trying to make my way through Insanity... yikes.