Welp... I'm switching majors.

I had to read a book for one of my classes, and it turned out to be a really good thing. I've been stressed about my decision to major in Psychology. I love it but wasn't sure about the practicality, especially since it may be awhile before I go on to Grad school. Here's a paper that I wrote for the class after reading the book. Sorry, It's fairly long. 

On Being a Therapist: Reaction and Review

Megan Hinman

Central Washington University

On being a therapist by Jeffrey A. Kottler is perhaps the most beneficial and necessary read for any aspiring therapist. Kottler lays out with great clarity the highs and lows of every aspect of the job. He writes in the most comprehensive way while somehow maintaining clarity in a complex field. His book reads well as a whole, but is just as enjoyable when broken down chapter by chapter. Each chapter easily stands on its own with relevant information. Nothing is sugar coated, and the things that Jeffrey Kottler presents are “need to knows” for the often glamorized position of therapist.

Kottler begins with his ideas of who becomes a therapist and why. He simply states that it is because these people who are or would be therapists want to help. Although there may very well be ulterior motives, such as the desire to understand oneself and grow personally, the desire to help others is pervasive. Intermingled with outlining the basics of what being a therapist means and entails professionally, Kottler dives, with no hesitation, into the many negative aspects of the position. It is clear that being of real help to others and watching positive growth and change is rewarding. The challenges of being a therapist, however, are often ignored and forgotten in contrast to the glamour of being in a socially prestigious position.

Kottler does an excellent job of reminding readers of these challenges in a realistic and straightforward way, without focusing exclusively on the negatives of a multidimensional career.  Still, the joys of being a therapist are mostly obvious and for that reason much of the book is challenge or problem based. Some of the challenges that are encountered as a therapist that Kottler outlines and explains are minor such as tedium and boredom, more significant such as professional burnout or exhaustion and disagreeable, dislikeable, or difficult patients, or extreme difficulties that become personal battles for sanity, peace and hope in one’s own life.

            This book has changed my life, in a simple yet extensive manner. That may be a bold statement, but not without merit. I have come to the conclusions that, not only do I not want to be a therapist, but for my sake and that of my family, I absolutely cannot. It was an early breakthrough and came from reading one sentence in the first chapter of the book. Kottler simply states “We sit in a room all day long with people who spill out the most disturbing, horrifying, tragic stories imaginable”(Kottler, 2010). As I continued to read, my mind came back time and time again to this statement. I love the field of Psychology and I am a helper at heart, but I have to admit what has been lingering at the back of my mind for some time now. I do not have the strength of spirit, nor the resilience to make therapy my career.

All jobs are full of personal and professional challenges but none as intimate as those that come from being a therapist. I’m expecting growth opportunities, bouts of boredom, and even disagreeable or dislikeable clients and associates regardless of the career I choose, so the revelations of Kottler that therapy can present all these was not striking.  The revelation however or at least admission that therapy can and will at times mean hearing and potentially internalizing the worst kinds of human atrocity and pain was something with which I cannot make peace.  I knew this was the nature of therapy; problems are presented in the hope of help and the problems are often much more than superficial wounds of the human spirit. Upon realizing this innate truth in combination with a deeper understanding of the intimacy and vulnerability of the position, I was forced to look inward. Something, that according to Kottler, therapists do quite frequently.  

I am sensitive. I had always thought of this as a potential strength in the field of therapy as it can allow for great empathy. However there lies inherent in the sensitive soul a dangerous susceptibility. I hoard the problems of others and carry them as if they are my own. It is a necessary skill to learn to detach from the problems one hears as a therapist, and that is simply not something I think I can realistically do long term, or in a career setting.

            Having admitted this to myself, I am relieved of worry and stress that I didn’t know I was carrying. I think I was always concerned about my ability to handle the baggage of clients day after day and ultimately year after year. As I mentioned above, I am a helper at heart, but there are numerous ways to be of use and benefit to individuals and within a community. For me, it will not be as a therapist; which brings me to another, albeit less dramatic, epiphany. I am a person of action. I’d rather lead than encourage. I think for these reasons another field of study will be more suited to me and just in time as I’m entering my third year of undergraduate study! Jeffrey Kottler has done me a great service and saved me much heartache, frustration, and disappointment down the road. I have to clarify that this decision comes not solely from the content of the book, but from the forced reckoning provoked by the book of my own abilities, limitations, and personal and professional desires and goals. I still greatly admire the field of psychology and view the role of therapist as beneficial as well as vital.

            The introspection that this book provoked has spurred me on to change, not just academically, but personally. On Being a Therapist is a gold mine of information on, well… being a therapist but it also offers insight into human nature. Just as many of the challenges presented by Kottler exist in other settings and environments, so is some of the information translatable to other professions and life in general. According to Kottler much of what a therapist does is grow, learn and change personally throughout their career. The journey of being a therapist is as much an opportunity for personal growth as it is an opportunity for growth and change for the client or patient.

“A therapist who is vibrant, inspirational, and charismatic; who is sincere, loving, and nurturing; and who is wise, confident, and self-disciplined, will often have an impact through the sheer force and power of her essence, regardless of her theoretical allegiances”(Kottler, 2010). Though I no longer want to be a therapist, the sentiment of this statement speaks volumes to me. Change “therapist” to: mother, wife, sister, friend, the list goes on, and that is what I want to be. Anyone that reaches out can make a difference. I want to have an impact on the world, on my family, in my life through the sheer force and power of my essence. I have changed, or at least am in the process of changing my major to Family Studies, with a minor in Psychology. That is where I need to be and where I can make a difference. Lastly, my impressions of the book aside, it’s an entertaining and interesting read on its own and as an enthusiastic participant in student book sell-back, I think I’ll make an exception for this one.

Works Cited

Kottler, J. A. (2010). On being a therpist. (4 ed.). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Anyway, switching majors to Family Studies. If, or when I do go on to graduate school, I can still go in the direction of marriage and relationship counseling which is what I'm interested in. In the meantime I'm more interested in family support centers, groups and facilities (which there are a lot of in the military). I've looked over the requirements and actually already taken quite a few of the classes, as some overlap with the Psychology major which I will now be minoring in. Ok now next step is to graduate!